Close shave and F**ked Up Family

Had one of the closest shave of my friggin life tonight, if not the closest my dad got to find out I smoked. (or maybe he does know, just that he's waiting for the right time to catch me red-handed..)

Anyway, here goes...

Place: Role of shophouses opposite CCK Bus/Mrt Interchange

Time: Around 11+

Scenerio: After dropping Nings off, I decided to deposit some $$ that Mum gave me for paying her handphone bills, and since I was already at CCK, where better to finish up the business than the DBS machine at the bus interchange there? So there I was, happily driving into the carpark, parked the car, and decided: wouldn't it be nice if I took another fag while I go about my business?
Sweet...
Just as I was reaching for the ciggys, I realised something fundamentally flawed with my logic. Namely, the lack of a source of flame, ie to say: lim bei had no lighter - at this point, many thanks to KK for refusing to lend me any lighters, you saved my skin - therefore the scrapping of what would have been a 'great' idea.
And my downfall.
For the walk to the cash deposit machine threw up one hell of a surprise to me.
My Dad. (he was waiting for his turn at the 24 hr clinic)
OMFG!!! (x10)
I almost dropped my balls. (as compared to me really dropping my balls if I had been caught smoking by him...)

Maybe as Nings said, maybe I did accumulate some good karma.
I supposed all this extra trips sending people back home did come in handy afterall :)

But after this little episode, I got home to realise something.
Something which I have always known, and said.
I have a f**ked up family.
Once again, it just highlighted to me how my family seems to be always in a mess.
And how I feel absolutely no love for the family at times.
I really question myself sometimes: Do I stay because...
1. I need a roof over my head
2. I need $
3. I need the car
4. I need the future inheiritance(if there is any in the first place)
Tough choice, but I'll go with... all of the above.

Yes, I admit: I'M A SHAMELESS, REALISTIC, PRAGMATIC, MERCENARY CHEAPO SONOFABITCH.
But I'm not afraid to admit it, cos this is how I feel, and if you feel otherwise, I'm sorry that I can't confirm to your moral standard. Cos I am what I am...

Anyway...

Back to why I was enlightened again tonight?

Cos I realised I can't, couldn't, and unable to hold a decent conversation with my parents without them either wanting to chew my head off or me resisting having to tear my hair out.

A sample of what's going on...

Me: Hey mummy, I saw daddy at the clinic just now...

Mum: Yah lah, and you guys just know had to go out and enjoy!

Me(thinking): What the fiack?!?!??!

See what I mean?
A decent opening line that I hoped was able to lead to something more... conversational.
But no....
The first sentence that came out from her friggin mouth puts me off so much, I just turned and went upstairs without a single word.

Well, that's the mum I get, kids.
Please don't think that for a moment, I enjoy this life of relative ease and comfort(as compared to some really dirt poor people, or wait, some voices yelling out, the average family).
There's always 2 sides to a coin my friends.
All this fancy things, these houses, these cars, everything.
They don't belong to me.
I'll tell you straight up, honestly.
They don't fucking belong to me.

My car, if it ever so pleases my dad, can be towed off and sold in an instance. Make no doubts about it. That's what happened to Max(my pet name for the RX-8).
And don't get me started on the threats they employ using the vehicle as a leverage whenever they deem fit.
But you got a car for your birthday! - I hear some voices cry out.
Big deal.
I'm sure if your parents can afford they will buy one for you too.
I know I would in the future. But minus the expectations and the threats that come with the car.

The house I live in, the room that I live in as a matter of fact, is only a place of residence.
Put up posters on my wall and I got screwed, till I decided to plaster the whole damn wall at the same time to save the nagging once and for all.
The furniture, the lights the everything. They bought them, not me. So have I a say in it, well of course I do! The choice will always be either or. Either you 'like' it and take it. Or you don't have it. Simple eh?
The tv, the hi-fi system, the knick-knacks. All FOC. Well, if you don't count on them being emotional bargaining tools and burdens to add to the guilt in a losing argument.
The house has only my share when it comes to cleaning up.
Bringing people over to the house when they're out is a NO NO.
Asking people over will already make them uncomfortable - hence the reluctance for me to invite friends over, not that I don't want to - thus the absence of much visitors in my house.
Staying in the house while they're overseas? Not a chance.
Can you fucking believe it?
They say that this house is ours, therefore we should do our part and keep it clean and tidy, so here's the mop, the pail and the cloth, kids. Now move those arses and get the house clean.
But when they're gone?
Sorry kiddos, but I don't trust ye all to take care of the house.
Right.
My very fondest memory of this arrangement being a joke, was this incident like what, 2 years ago?
I was supposed to visit Japan with my parents, but it being the exam period I had to stay here & finish up while my parents fly over first.
During this period of time I was staying over at my grandma's house(which I always do when they are overseas, I kid you not.) and one day I received a call from Carrie, my dad's secretary(for gawd knows how long) who wanted to fax me the program sheet and flight plans for the Japan trip. The number she wanted to fax to? My home number of course.
Erm, but I wasn't at home, I told her, and my grandma's house has no fax machine.
I swore she was shocked. Cos she sounded shocked.
Eventually, we did work out a plan for me to receive the shit by email, but not before having a small chat on why the heck I wasn't allowed to be at home when the folks are away.
I wouldn't say it was very bad. But can you imagine how paiseh I felt when I told her I wasn't at home, and how awkward I was to carry out the friggin conversation when I could so feel her surprise at the whole episode and still had to feign nonchalence?
You try asking yourself how you will feel.

And you know what the best part about everything is?

I have'nt spoken much to my parents over the last 2 ~ 2 1/2 weeks.
Cos I'm still jobless.
Cos I'm lazing around the house.
Cos they doesn't understand a friggin single thing and thinks that everytime I'm at the laptop I'm doing some shit while in actual fact, I'm trying to do some research.
Cos they thinks everytime I go out I'm just having fun.
Cos they just doesn't like me.
Well, why don't you tell her what you're doing?
Got use?
Did they seem to understand why I took Pol Sci as my major?
Were they able to comprehend what I was doing for my CCAs? Ever since the days we had to stay back till late in sec school for my NPCC activities to the intensive rehearsals we had for ELDDS in JC and more recently, the gruelling projects for the Arts Club, the Motoing Club in NUS?
Never.
Explain to them.
You bet you arse I did.
But the bottomline is: They think that all these are a waste of time. Hence they doesn't understand the passion involved, and therefore, the time invested in committing for these activities.
I can still tahan the lack of understanding and support.
The lack of respect of what I do is even less of a concern for me.
But what hurts me the most.
What hurts me the most was their indifference, their criticisms, the simple fact that they were never proud of me.
Well, 'never' seems pretty strong, since I guess they were pretty happy when I was in pri school. I think.
But the older I grew, the harder it is to earn their approval, to satisfy them, to make them feel proud of me.
Pride is such a sin, but I yearn, I crave for that attention from my parents, from my mum and my dad, to tell me that son, we are proud of you.
But did they ever do that?
NO.
Actions speak louder than words mah...
Oh really, then what have they done?
Are we talking about the same people here? The mother who tells her son before the O Levels that he's gonna flunk and retake cos he buang-ed(ie: flunk) for his prelims? Or the father who tells his son not to dump his A Levels notes cos he might retain?
Oh wait, how about the mum who 'advise' the son to go die and brands him a 'good-for-nothing', a 'useless spoilt brat' and oh, a 'spineless worm'? And yes, show her love and concern by throwing moeny at his feet so he can have $ to spend and won't go hungry!
Maybe its the dad who found the son's convocation so boring he felt asleep and missed taking a picture of him on the stage? Or the mum who can cancel renovations on sundays to sleep in but not on the son's graduation day cos it's not important enough?
You tell me.
Where is the love?
Where is the fucking love?

I'm tired.
Tired of arguing, of being the black sheep in the family, of always having to go to bed feeling rotten and questioning my self worth everytime we fight over things that aren't important.
I feel so goddamn tired.
Whatever love I have, they don't deserve much of it.
I've lost whatever love I had of time, a long, long time ago.
Now their existence and my continued deference to them is to make sure I won't go cold and hungry.
Period.

5, 6, 7... with a little bit of 1, 2, 3...

7 - Sunday.

Stayed at home the whole of today. (discounting dinner, when I went to IMM - of all places - with my bro)
Quite a feat I must say.
No thanks to

a. lack of moolah/$/cash

b. pressing need to stay at home to make sure I won't get my arse burnt by the parents

c. too damn tired, been sleeping late and waking up at odd timings

Been reading, playing WoW(as usual), checking up some stuff online(no, its not p*rn) and napping.
Cool huh?

6 - Saturday

Cleaned up the house, or part of, or... whatever.

Late to pick up mina(sorry babe!) and a big, nope... HUGE bunch of totally pink and bimbo-tic balloons. Dun ask about the balloons.

'Hot and Throbbing'.
A good play. But I still feel kinda cheated to have paid $$ to watch some guy's arse hanging out of his pants. I mean, if it was a gal's butt....

Char's 21st birthday party at the M Hotel.
Missed the food but not the fun though.
What camera whores we were, with the sounds of 1, 2, 3 drawing us to swarm the picture taking like moths to a flame.
Sorry no picture up cos the camera is somewhere in Tibet. (guys, if ye all are reading this, better don't lose it yah?) - but will get them up as soon as I have them

A game of Dota with some of them guys.
And it was really 1 game.

Sent Jono, Nings, Bloo back after the game.
Such dears they were, ta-pao-ing satay for me... thanks sistas(and bruder!)

5 - Friday

Met up with Kev, Jianwei and Marvin in school, at the Dungeon to be more precise.
Working out on the directions of the dream, the hi-tech dream that will either make us, or break us.
Plans, ideas, research, good points, bad points, shooting downs, creation of, looking through, smoking, drinking, joking around, fooling around, dinner, old uncle, old times....

Speaking of old uncle, we had this funny conversation, no, to be more exact, this old man walked over and tried to engage us in various forms of discussion which we realised was quite one-sided. Anyway, here's some thai words we 'learnt' from him.

Lam Par Gah - Watch(the thingy you wear on your hand, savvy?)

Lam Par Ji Liao - Close shop/Shop closed

For those who knows hokkien, you will understand why we were laughing so hard that night.

Coffee at this uber-ulu place where Ed's bro(Paul) was working at.
Name of the place is... Gone Fishing or My Fishing Place or something like that, located somewhere along Hillview, in the bowels of the private housing estates and serve good almond coffee.

After coffee, we did one of the most shameless things that we have ever done.
We decided to meet up with Da Sao(Yifang) in Holland V cos she had gal frens with her. - though by the time we were ready to meet her only one of them was left.

But well, eventually we all had a good time, thanks to da sao for being such a sport, having us over for drinks and joining 2 guys on a late night supper treat.
No thanks to Ed the pig for 'tricking' me out without proper planning and execution of programs, almost leading to the worst case scenerio of me meeting Ed. We deciding where to go while having a smoke. We having no concrete plans. We head home. *which almost happened
Still, thanks for the company.

And so was the story of the weekend that came and went along so quickly and silently....

Ah...

Changed my blogskin once again.
For those who find this skin familiar, yesh, I took the idea cos I kinda liked this blogskin.

Anyway, everything's pretty much the same I guess.

Still jobless and bumming around.
Still getting f**ked left right centre by the parents.
Still reading till late hours in the morning.
Still missing World Cup.
Still smoking like no tomorrow(well, not exactly since I'm kinda broke actually).
Still playing games like Dota, WoW and what nots.
Still... the same I suppose.

Till next time...

The lights have changed, but some things still linger on...

The lights have changed, but some things still linger on...

I realised there was a reason why I didn't include Linger in my playlist.
Cos I'll just keep listening to it.

The lights in my room have been changed, from boring round holes in the ceiling to well, erm...
cutting edge squared holes in the ceiling?

I must admit, it does look rather sleek, not to mention brighter.
Though I wonder about the need for such strong lighting in a room where the main purpose is to sleep in.

Some things still linger on.
The look of my room remains relatively... untouched - unless you count the film of dust on everything and everywhere this afternoon.
I still feel comfy and cozy and everything nice about it still remains.
The smell, the feeling, the presence, the you that once entered this li'l haven of mine still linger on... the you that I knew so very long ago...

And I am still sleepless in the early morning.
Damn I miss my whiskey and what nots...

And then, there was FDS. Bravo...

And then, there was FDS. Bravo...

From left: Soon Lee(Uncle Lim, Cookhouse regular) , Thiam Peng(Bootheboothebootheboo, Ayumi-Fan), Me(二师弟, 法�: 烧一支), Peiwei(S3, Driver, Ah-Tiong Lookalike)

S3(again!), Mark Xie(Piggerine, Adamantium Ego, Self proclaimed cousin of Fiona Xie), Ngee Seng(Ah Boy, �师弟, 法�: 没�支)

Colin(三师弟, 法�: 很大支, Bruder who carried me back to bunk when I got too wasted), Colin's gal(sorry forgot the name), Uncle Lim(again)


Charmaine(Mrs Tan) and Hongni(Mr Tan Horny, Street Fighter/Guilty Gear/ KOF freak)

Last but not least.....

Kevin Wee(Wee-wee, 大师兄, 法�: �一支, Fellow Brotherhood of the YSL) - notice that the setting for this picture is different from the rest. Reason being: the cock never take photo with us in Marche. Nabei.....

Here I present to you, some of the buggers in FDS 8th Mono(some call us the 9-11 Mono) Bravo Platoon.
Dinner at Marche, Suntec. Then off to Paulaners for a beer before the rain evicted us to Dungeon.
And what a night it was.
Thank you guys.
For taking time to meet up again, after so bleddy damn long.
Till next time... where there be more food, drink, and people to usher in another merry merry night...

And so it is...

And so it is...

The end of World Cup 2006.
Well done lah Italy, though it wasn't pretty, it was however, their fourth triumph and their first since 1982. How cool is that.... just when we were born, the Azzuris won the world cup too!

What a crazy 2 nights it has been...

Birthday party
NUS satellite station
Fong Seng
Mini Dota session at Niche's house
Major Dota session at Berd's house
Jeff's guest appearance
3 guys driving half naked in the night singing/dancing/shaking with the tune of Eiffel 65's Blue(Da Ba Dee)
Eating TT Durai
Cheering for the Italians

I'm gonna miss the world cup days.....

The Bet

The Bet

Who will marry or be married within our predicted sequence.

Terms and Conditions of Win
1. This bet is valid for ten years, from the 08/07/2006 to the 08/07/2016.

2. The winner will get to go to the destination of his or her choice, expenses paid for by the rest of the four.

3. The person with the most number of accurate guesses will be declared as the winner.

4. At the end date whereby the bet is valid, the five will meet up in NUS to decide on itinerary and travel within 6 months of the end date. (so that we can drive our expensive cars and go there wayang)

5. In event of an inter-marriage, the couple will play scissors paper stone to decide on who is the one getting married first and declare the result to the rest of the three. (ie: if lim bei n Kevin Wee suddenly turn gay and marry each other, we have to scissors paper stone, wherby the winner will be counted as the one who 'marry first'. Savvy?)

6. The people who read this or happen to read this by accident will thereof become witnesses of the bet, to ensure its validity and integrity. (ie: everyone else other than me who's reading this post)

7. This bet cannot be subject to any form of alteration, unless in emergency situations. (read: emergency situation does not constitute not paying for the trip cos wanna save up for limited LV/Prada/Gucci bag. Saving up for necessities is ok, like ciggys and beer)

The bet is as belows.

Yanxiang
1. Sining
2. Kevin
3. Tim
4. Sarah
5. Yanxiang

Sining
1. Sarah
2. Tim
3. Sining
4. Kevin
5. Yanxiang

Sarah
1. Sining
2. Kevin
3. Sarah
4. Tim
5. Yanxiang

Tim
1. Sarah
2. Kevin
3. Sining
4. Tim
5. Yanxiang

Kevin
1. Sining
2. Yanxiang
3. Sarah
4. Timmy
5. Kevin

Victory terms

Yanxiang: Go to Eastern Europe to watch this opera named Prince Igor by Borodin.
Kevin: Go to Europe to watch the Aurora Borealis.
Tim: Go to Las Vegas, stay in the Bellagio and take pictures at the Grand Canyon.
Sarah: Tour of Greece and its historical sites, educational tour.
Sining: Go to the Maldives. The guys will wear grass skirts and the girls will wear coconut bikinis and will all dance together.


My gawd... I don't even know how and why we came up with the bet, but it sure beats betting using money anytime.
Although...
1. I have no idea what an Igor is doing as a Prince(I thought Igor supposed to be the deformed mutated sidekick of like what, Jeff.. I mean Frankenstein or something?? Or is it Count Dracula??) in an opera by some random person Borodin(which sounds like a name from LOTR).

2. I have only a slight idea of what an Aurora Borealis is??!?! How the hell someone pronounce it?? Its something as cheem as erm... Roberto Abbondanzieri! There!

3. I'll much prefer not having to 'study' for a place like Greece in detail since the only places I know there are Athens, Mount Olympus and well, erm... Athens?

4. I am praying for the flooding of the Maldives island and a global extinction of coconuts.

I still find this bet somewhat.. exciting.
So now.
We shall wait and see.....

Trilogy Part 3: Band of brothers

Trilogy Part 3: Band of brothers

This is inspired by 2 other bruders.
Xw and Berd da Anaconda.
Oh, and also by 'Band of Brothers' too.

Met up with the 2 'brokebackers' - at least for these 2 days, for these guys have been seeing each other like 36 hours(and counting, but this is according to Berd) - for some chow and kopi.
Told them about the convo I had with Goose and Ed.
Guessed what?
They had more to add too.

New victims of old gossips.
Answers to elusive 'crushes' were discovered.
Incidents that happened were traded once more, some forgotten, some missed, others revived.

Our kick ass plan that we conjured: To get everyone(well, maybe not everyone but at least most of us, oh, plus the gals too... since Xw claims that the gals forget nothing...) in our kickass class of 205 to sit down and draw out a sitting arrangement plans. Of where we used to sit in class.

A cataclysm of memories came crashing in.

I remember.
I remember I remember.
I remember.
That I was sitting next to Mok the doc.
Berd da Anaconda and Jeff the Hyena was sitting in front of us.
Weising and f**k I forgot who!! was sitting behind me.
Xw and damn I forgot again was sitting behind behind me.
The other row had Daren, Bernard Lau, and god knows who.
Ed and Seng were at the other row.
Wong the caveman was sitting next to Guolin our resident insane keeper/'Godlike Thief'/Married personnel.
The gals were at the other end of the room.
Xikai and someone else was at the back of the room.
Yehao was somewhere near.
Tingnan and Haojie were seated quite near the gals.
Phil is lost in my memory, so is Goose and Jase.
Hertian seems to be next to XW, but I can't be sure.
Chaoliang was somewhere at the back of the room, in a single seat row.
Adrian Chay was in a single seat row too, or not?
KBK seems like he was at the back of my row.
Yaozhong aka Snake was also a single row-er.

3 things I would love to do now.

1. Find a way to post my sec school class pic.
2. Have a seating plan all drawn up.
3. Have everyone go back to the same bleddy classroom, seat in their respective seats and take a friggin' photo.

But first.
I think I need to go sleep...
For the light is streaming in...

PS: My Italy is through to the Finals!!! Never did gave them much chance to progress this far but oh well, things happen. And yesh, they went through at the expense of us losing $$. Nabei...

Trilogy Part 2: A brief history of time. Our time.

Trilogy Part 2: A brief history of time. Our time.

This blog post would not have been written if not for the fact that me and Ed decided to have smoke at the Goose's void deck. Plus the intention of digging more juciy stuff from Goose, but that's another story...

The conversation that we had sparked the desire to have this post.

Basically, it was 3 guys, 2 ciggys and 1 heck of a convo that involved us digging up the shit of anybody and everybody.
Shit meaning:
1. Stupid things that we did in sec school.
2. People we know that had gossips - read: love interests - or scandals.

And boy did we learn new things that day!!!

Driving back alone after dropping Ed got me started on the things that I did, the things that I didn't do then, and the things that I wished I did.
Of cos, my interactions(no to those horny ah peks, not those kind of interactions) with the opposite sex also got me thinking. A lot.

We never seem to tire of talking about the past, and I wonder why...

Trilogy Part 1: 2006 Mox Overture

Trilogy Part 1: 2006 Mox Overture

Realised once again that I keep procrastinating, and if not for the fact that I can't sleep now, these posts will probably not see the light of day for a good... I dunno, few more days if I'm feeling hardworking?

Anyway, let the blog verbatim start...

Went to Mox last thursday as some of you have already heard.
Reasons for deciding to club at Mox?

1. Free entry - since it was the Arts Club Bash and we being old birds, thought that we could, you know... use a bit of 'string-pulling' - plus the fact that the place no cover charge.

2. Damn long never go clubbing, since got reason, why not?

3. Arranged with nings, jonny and cubsy to go and let our hair down.

4. Told some of those doing the camp that it might be the only time they get to see me(I didn't really think that we would go Sentosa in the first place...)

5. No world cup matches that night, so abit the boring.

6. Got chicks.

Although I can't deny that 6 held the most appeal, it struck me only some time later that the so called 'chicks' that lim bei was hoping to catch were nothing more than young, naive teenagers. Nuff' said.

We went, we saw and we realised that we were getting old. Especially when we see those kids, we felt damn old.
Glad to see some of them old birds: Rudy, Pris, Frances, Issac, Ken, Trina, Pat, Pinkies, Steben, Arvin.
Glad to see some of them not so old birds: too many to name.
Very glad can finally find some time to club with nings, jono and cubsy.

But things changed don't they?
The tunes they blast may be the same, but the rhythm has changed.
We don't dance with the same 'high' that we did 2 years ago at the same place.
Our 'dancefloor' then disappeared, only to be replace by the very much inanimate tables and chairs.
The people that we knew as fresh-faced freshies have grown up and have freshies of their own now.
The group that danced together was no more. Some of us were there, some not.

The music will go on.
New songs that will get us up and groovy are still being churned out by the djs.
The magic that was once there can never be found again.

I thought I could find a morsel of it.
A tiny spark, a flash, anything. Anything that will remind me that one of my best clubbing experience was at Mox, that we can go around and say hi to anyone and everyone.
I missed those times.
We all did.

Songs just never did sound the same the next time you listen to it.

Opto/Sutcliffe came and passed us by.
Maybe I have'nt really moved on...

At least I didn't have to pay for drinks that night.

Please mr DJ, can we play the 2004 Mox Overture again?
Just once more?

Super(boring)man

Super(boring)man

Don't catch Superman if you are planning to.
Its kinda boring actually...
Kevin Spacey rocks.
Like what some of us agreed on, that guy's a good actor.

Anyway, here's some things I've learnt after watching the show, as boring as it may seem...

10 things I've learnt after watching Superman Returns

1. Superheroes will always have sidekicks. Like Batman & Robin, Captain American and Bucky, erm, Professor X and his wheelchair? Anyway, Superman does have his sidekick. Jimmy Olsen.

2. Villians have sidekicks too... no wait, they're called henchmen, and most often than not, they're dumb. Think Sabretooth in X-Men I(the movie).

3. Its easy to disguise your civilian identity from your superhero identity. Just have different hairstyle, behave like a dork, and oh, wear a costume. No need mask one, people won't see the difference.

4. Flying is a good way to make gals melt. (I think so lah...)

5. Some people are dumb. If shooting a barrage of Gatling/machine gun bullets at a man and he is still alive, a pistol probably won't do much damage either.

6. Clothes can be indestructable too. Like Superman's. Not only that, he can be dragged in the mud, thrown into mounds of crystal, kicked.. whatever. And the damn costume is still clean and without a friggin' tear!!!

7. If ever you are attempting to light up a ciggy and there's a gust of wind that'll always extinguish the flame, look around to see if its Superman. Alternatively, you can always invest in a Zippo lighter.

8. It is physically possible for a woman to drag a 200+ pound unconscious man out of deep choppy water but quite impossible for her to carry a shopping bag for long.

9. There's no better way to wake a man out of a coma by having a lady break the news of him siring her child.

10. Don't ever be late for a movie. And check out where one is sitting, cos its not nice to move across a whole row of people only to find that you're sitting at the alsie seat. At the far end of the row.

And there you have it. Some things I've learnt.
But the most important lesson learnt is... Not all superhero movies are good.

No. 187, your timing is....

No. 187, your timing is....

Not enough for silver.
Sigh....

IPPT report:

Chin-up: 10
SBJ: 233 cm
Shuttle run: 10 sec
Sit ups: 42

Finally...

2.4 km run: 12 min 12 sec

What the fiack~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I needed just a good run for $200 bucks, and now I barely passed....
Oh how the times have changed... :(

Well at least I no need to go for RT.
And like someone(whom I met while taking the test) said: Bet world cup also can get the $$ lor, somemore easier.....
I agree

Stung...

Stung...

It stings bad, even more so when one picks up the pieces of the life existed till days ago.
The little notes, the pictures, the messages.

It stings.
And the sting hurts.

Of guilt and sadness,
of failed expectations and empty promises.

I'm starting to drown in the river of guilt...

Hey hey, I saved the world today. Or not...

Hey hey, I saved the world today. Or not...

Think I crashed a world, that's more like it.

It official now.

I am

1. Selfish
2. Self centered(not the same as 1. I suppose)
3. Idiotic
4. Childish
5. Bastardly
6. Cowardly
7. Stubborn
8. Unfair
9. Evil
10. In need of one TIGHT SLAP

Yesh.

May the gods frown on me

Same same, but Different...

Same same, but Different...

What a way to start the World Cup.
A 6 goal thriller. Hm, not exactly that thrilling since I didn't bet while the rest did....
Anyway...

's been a while since I'm back.
3 days to be exact, nope... 4, considering the time now.
It still feels different.
Everything here's basically the same, the people I see, the flak that I still get from home, Kol-in, Bnet-ing...

Yet so different...

My house is in a mess.
A very big mess, since I have no kitchen to speak of, and the toilet is on the path to non-existence soon.
My darling car is nowhere to be found, so its either at Dad's factory or sold. I have no idea.

And my friggin' bed still feels too big for me...

Yesh.
I still miss Thailand.
I miss the plane ride there, us so full of anticipation and what nots, sprinkled with a dose of good fortune by letting us be in the same friggin' plane as Fiona(big b**bs) Xie.
Yesh, she was in our plane and I'm not ashamed to confess that I made a delibrate trip to the toilet just to ogle at her.
Ik don't bluff, you were also with me on the 'toilet trip'.
I miss our very first mini-bus ride, so entertained we were by my handphone blasting pop songs that reminded us of KTVs and what nots.
Miss the road side stall where we had to order food by pointing to the old short sighted auntie, and costing us SGD$1+ and the end of it.
Missing the train rides that seemed endless, made bearable with smoking breaks in the toilet.
I miss Buddy the dog.
Missing also the late night alcohol session at the private balcony at the beach resort.
Miss the trekkings, just to find the 'better' waterfall.
Miss the coral reefs, the sea cucumbers, the dumb dog that 'fresh meat-ed' a couple of the sea organisms.
Missing the shops with the indie brands selling way~~~ cool T-shirts and what nots.
Miss bargaining with people.
Miss the elephants.
Miss the top of the beautiful waterfall.
Miss having a 'race' with whoever I can find at the Bridge over River Kwai.
Missing the food, especially the Tom Yam soup.
Miss sitting and sleeping in Mr (Pop-Tart) Nai's minibus.
Missing the 'reading/bookworm club' till late in the night.
Miss MBK, Siam Paragon, and catching my very first movie in Thailand.
Miss the swimming pools, the floating thingys, the cute ang-moh kids, the noise we made.
Missing the nights we had to squeeze on one bed, the rolling bodies, the cold nights where we had to fight for the blankets.
Miss the big beds that had space for all of us.

Missing living with you guys.
Thank you guys.

Xb for planning, researching, executing, map-reading, conflict managament(ie: talk in very fierce manner), contact lens solution, intro-ing good food and drinks, breaking out into the 'Crime and Passion' song where there was no need to(bad singing btw...) and generally, just being the Snake that he is.

Lady Boss for being the 'Admin Dpd', Angels and Demons, Tom Yam soup, target #1 to irritate, being Lady Boss.

Beng for being another one of us guys, fellow 'sufferer' under Kev, Tom Clancy, 'same same but different' - that I used for the title for this blog.

Giang for being her usual self, Strepsils, fellow 'Bookworm Club' member, 'fling' - mostly one sided since she was the one who coined the term.

Ik for being "Nature Boy" and introducing us to the various life forms in sea, jungle, beach, anywhere, fellow bed-mate, lighter provider.

Nings, ii and Kev for being the Opto Sluts. Nuff' said.

The bed still feels too big for me....

Reporting live from... damn the keys doesnt work...

Reporting live from... damn the keys doesnt work...

Here at thailand, some guest house where I cant friggin pronounce and yesh.. the key board sucks.
Cant find the keys that I want, where y will end up as z, so I have long since given up trying to type a proper blog, with the time running out in the meantime.

Anyway, everything is kinda well over here, with some unexpected stuff coming our way every now and then.

A proper post when I get back.
This I promise.

In the meantime, I think its time I go to sleep for its gonna be a long.... day ahead tomorrow...

Cheers,
Timmy

Where the only sound is the prit prat of a sleepless, rainy night...

Where the only sound is the prit prat of a sleepless, rainy night...

Its been quite some time since I last slept well.
Or shaved.
's been like what, almost a good 4 days since I shaved, hence the totally un-glam and drug-addict(in my mum's words) look.
As for sleeping, its been harder to get to sleep, hence the need for some alcohol to dull the senses and relax the body which worked wonder initially.
Until I got plagued by interrupted sleep.

Waking up in the middle of the night, morning to be exact at 5+ in the morning isn't the best way to stay healthy.
Prit prat prit prat.
Gentle was the sound of the rain.

The sky cried last night,
if one was to believe and imagine it.
Me thought so then.
Me think so now.

The bottle fits perfectly.
Thumb, index, middle grasping the top,
while the ring and pinkie gently cradles it.

Dark brown oliy liquid swirls with every rocking motion,
burning a path down the throat.
Gulp gurgle gulp ah....

Lights seem so beautiful, so far and so near at the same time.
Whirl whirl the aircon goes,
and still
I hear the prit prat of the raindrops.

I need to sleep.
And shave.

But,
I need to answer....

Things happen, happened...

Things happen, happened...

At least for today.
Things happen, happened.

And now I just need some time to think about it.

Think about everything, about how a good sunday morning can throw up such surprises in the night...

What happened?

New look, but the same old me...

New look, but the same old me...

Yeah.

Finally managed to get my arse down into changing this blogskin.
To something a little more....
Colourful I would say?

Anyway just came back from Ning's chalet today.
Concussed till the late hours of 8 something, waking up only to watch American Idol and have dinner.
Not forgetting spending hours searchin for the per-fect blogskin(for now at least) and actually changing the whole damn thing.

Damn I need a rocco now.
Though Grace did commented that in my fevered state I might overheat myself when I start to smoke and explode.
Righto.

Waiting for the match to start now.
And what better way to wait than to have a nap.

So till the next time...
Cheers....

Testing, attention please...

Oh, and so the days just flew by...

Oh, and so the days just flew by...

Yeaps.
The days do fly by, from the last blog till now.
Been doing quite some stuff.
Mostly slacking, meeting up with people, attempting(and fail) to clean up my room, reading etc etc.
And I do miss the missus. :(

Anyway will attempt to blog more, be prepared to see a new blogskin, and blah blah blah...

In the meantime, off to the movies... (I give thanks to the power of internet!!!)

Till then...

The last hurdle that I don't wish to cross...

The last hurdle that I don't wish to cross...

In around 6 hours time, I can finally say goodbye to NUS.

Just sitting here in front of the laptop with the notes read halfway...

So long, but yet so soon.
The last hurdle.
That I wish I didn't had to cross....

Back to my notes...

Happening? Not really...

Happening? Not really...

What's been happening to me nowadays?

Nothing much I would say.

Soccer on Sat. (read it here)

Stoning and attempting to study on Sun, tinged with some stuff.

Studying with the missus on Mon. Staying over in Kev's hall attempting to mug again.

Tue. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

Washed my darling(car) on Wed, attempted to go cut hair, study but end up blogging. Haha...

I wonder what I'll be doing tomorrow.....

Same Starry Sky, Different Night...

Same Starry Sky, Different Night...

The same starry starry sky, but what a different night it was.

Different,
different...

Oh yeah....

Oh yeah....

1 reason why handphone cameras should be outlawed: KNNBCCB

Nabei, ik you good... take such good picture of lim bei when I was in Lala-land.
But thanks for the artistic angle that exposed to the world that I have big balls. :)

Taking a break from mugging.
Yesh, it's true. Have to mug for tomorrow's PS 2246: Globalization since

1. Dunno what I got for the essay
2. Dunno what the module is about since I have never attended a SINGLE lecture
3. Dunno what the topics are since the tutor DUN HAVE lecture slides
4. Dunno what might happen since I not cha bor(read: gal) therefore I'll be graded for what was written for the exams instead of the length of my skirt.

Yesh. I have to study.
And I realised that I can only understand the first 2 readings. The next few I catch no balls.
Speaking of readings, this was what happened in the afternoon for those who dunno this story...

Over MSN...

me: Hey boss, how to study for globalization ah? got no notes leh....

B: What you mean? Got course pack leh

me: ...... okok I rushin down to school to get liao, ttyl

me(offline)

*Can't reproduce this in the typical MSN format cos I was using the gamin.. I mean my bro's PC this afternoon.

30 min later, at Co-op...

me: erm, auntie ah, still got sell coursepack or not?

Auntie passes me a list

me: er... gimme a while ah.

me digs out phone, pressed 2 and dialled.

me: hoi boss, you know the module code for globalization? Cos i buying the course packs...

xb: gimme a while i check (hangs up)

3 min ltr

xb: PS 2246, you buying now ah?

me: yah, i help you get one first, later pass to you

xb: okok i coming to school later. (hangs up)

me: er auntie ah, can i have this coursepack? (points to PS 2246)

auntie: orh this one ah, need to order one.

me: so when can collect?

auntie: tomorrow lor!

me: ..... but my exam tomorrow, can get it by today?!?!?!

auntie: hm.. can lah, you come back by 5 lah. What happened? Lost yours ah?

me: Eh? No lah, today then I know I got course pack for this module.

auntie: ....... *stunned silence

me: Oh yah, can I have 2 sets?

auntie: ....
*at this point of time I can see she was quite shocked, and amused. Cos she looks like she's trying damn f**kin hard not to laugh. But what can you expect? I rock.

Some of the people I told the story to were quite erm, surprised to find out the extent of my erm... passion to studies?
Song bo~~~~~

What will be will be....

What will be will be....

Sometimes, I do wonder about the truth behind this logic,
that what will be, will be.

Had a less than pleasant evening tonight.
Too many things undone, too many things unsaid.
Studies took a seat so far back, its probably out of the picture now.

Can't get anything in now.
Or later.
Or... I dunno. Tomorrow?

Tiredhungryedgyguiltyangrylazysleepycornyloonycrazymoodyangsty all rolled into one.

Ah F**k, What will be will be...

A MSN conversation. With a twist...

A MSN conversation. With a twist...


Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
btw
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
guess where i am nw
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
kekekeeke
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
i need a Helm of Concentration: slight distraction resistance. And a Laser Scanner Eye: +10 damage against readings. says:
noooooo
i need a Helm of Concentration: slight distraction resistance. And a Laser Scanner Eye: +10 damage against readings. says:
XXX?
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
nope
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
im at hme
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
but im in the toilet
i need a Helm of Concentration: slight distraction resistance. And a Laser Scanner Eye: +10 damage against readings. says:
.....
i need a Helm of Concentration: slight distraction resistance. And a Laser Scanner Eye: +10 damage against readings. says:
for fuck
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
SO IM SHITTIN AND TOKIN TO U ON MSN
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
SONG BO!!!!!!
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
wahhahaahaha
i need a Helm of Concentration: slight distraction resistance. And a Laser Scanner Eye: +10 damage against readings. says:
ASS
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
why thank you
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
mebbe i should blog abt tis
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
any last words?
i need a Helm of Concentration: slight distraction resistance. And a Laser Scanner Eye: +10 damage against readings. says:
i need my asshat
i need a Helm of Concentration: slight distraction resistance. And a Laser Scanner Eye: +10 damage against readings. says:
ok end of sentence
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
for wat?
i need a Helm of Concentration: slight distraction resistance. And a Laser Scanner Eye: +10 damage against readings. says:
stench resistance
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
why thank you
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
btw, this is gg to appear in my blog yah
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
kekekeke
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
:)
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
SONG BO!!!!
i need a Helm of Concentration: slight distraction resistance. And a Laser Scanner Eye: +10 damage against readings. says:
...u prick
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
ahahahahaahahaha
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
my aim in life is to irritate the shit out of u, speakin of which, one jus dropped
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
:p
i need a Helm of Concentration: slight distraction resistance. And a Laser Scanner Eye: +10 damage against readings. says:
well done.
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
lol
i need a Helm of Concentration: slight distraction resistance. And a Laser Scanner Eye: +10 damage against readings. says:
hope your shit gets stuck in your rectum
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
nah, all's out
i need a Helm of Concentration: slight distraction resistance. And a Laser Scanner Eye: +10 damage against readings. says:
and you constipate
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
sigh i need a rocco
need a Helm of Concentration: slight distraction resistance. And a Laser Scanner Eye: +10 damage against readings. says:
hows the feeling of having some but cannot utilise?
i need a Helm of Concentration: slight distraction resistance. And a Laser Scanner Eye: +10 damage against readings. says:
hahah
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
damn
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
it sucks
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
:(
i need a Helm of Concentration: slight distraction resistance. And a Laser Scanner Eye: +10 damage against readings. says:
hahahah
i need a Helm of Concentration: slight distraction resistance. And a Laser Scanner Eye: +10 damage against readings. says:
SONG BO
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
no
Timmy: Lazy Weekend... says:
u bitch

Oops.
Maybe I should've put a disclaimer at the beginning that this post is gonna get somewhat, hm... filthy?

Oh golly, it's the exams...

Oh golly, it's the exams...

Right.
The exams are around the corner again.
Wait, I think started liao, since the missus jus had a paper yesterday, plus one comin along today.

Mine's starting on Tue.
And guess what, I have not started on anything yet.
Yups.
I HAVE NOT STARTED ON ANYTHING YET.
Well, if arranging notes and reading a few slides before realizing that KOL is more enticing, or Dota is more interesting, with a couple of hours spent reading novels, watching Amercian Idol(watch this season one, I think this batch is one of the best I've seen) and what nots.
Studying has never been more difficult for me, considering that this is the last sem before I have no more studying left.
Barring a buang-ed module or overseas studies.
The former being unthinkable, the latter being unimaginable.
In any case, I really should get my butt down to studying.

Maybe I'll try later, or maybe over the weekends.
But damn.................. sian....

How?

Of Muscle, Mysticality and Moxie...

Of Muscle, Mysticality and Moxie...

Muscle:

Strength needed to fight the demons as we embark on the final leg of our quest to obtain the Graduation Set = Hat of Graduation + Robe of Graduation(+100 to all stats, 10 adventures per day when equipped)

Mysticality:

The magic in us that enables us to crap our way through exam papers. The higher your mysticality, the better you can bull-sh*t.

Moxie:

Slippery as eels we should be, to siam the arrows should we falter in our quest.

Damn.... think I playing too much KOL...

Its been 1 week, and 1 month...

Its been 1 week, and 1 month...

It's been a week since I've last posted.
I never bruff one, I got check.

So many things have happened, and yet, so little has been done.
My essay for example.
I just seem to have lost steam after the initial 2 essays, and thus the procrastination sets in again.
Almost a week overdue and I'm hoping like mad the tutor accepts it out of the kindness of his heart.
If not, I'm definitely quite screwed for that module...

It's been more than a month since I've said goodbye to my singlehood.
I must admit, it's quite a marked change from my previous form of existence.
But I'm happy with this change, yet at the same time, still trying to come to terms with it.
What a contradiction huh....

Nuffin much to be said today... till next time then.

Sigh...

Sigh...

Most things that can go wrong today went wrong.

1. Woke up at 730 by a wake up call from the missus. Fell back to sleep only to wake 3 1/2 hours later.

2. Because of 1. I wasn't able to start on my essay earlier.

3. Started to hear weird sounds coming from the left side of my car halfway to school when it was too late to turn back thus leading to 8.

4. Went to print Snake's essay in the library only to find that the lone available computer was not able to read thumb drive.

5. Borrowed Guanjie's cashcard only to find that I needed $0.04 more to print the damn thing thus leading to me having to top up the cashcard and wasting precious time.

6. Got whacked into submission in KOL by the Bat King. Or King Bat. Whatever.

7. Misplaced wallet therefore had to look for it.

8. Weird sound in the car getting SUPER LOUD after picking up the missus and realising that the motorcyclist that was gesturing frantically(he kept pointing to the left side of my car, I thought he had a problem, she thinks that he's trying to ask me to keep to the left lane cos I was driving around in the expressway at quite a, erm, not too fast speed?) to my deflated tyre.

9. Because of 8. I had to leave the car in school and hailed a cab to Suntec instead.

9. Went to the Loof, wanted to pee, and realised that the guys need to queue for the toilet too.

10. On the way back realised that XW didn't drive therefore had to cab again.

11. After sending the ladies back went back to the car and realised(to our horror and amusement) that my car DOES NOT HAVE a spare tyre.

12. Called the BMW Emergency Service line only to find out that they do not provide servicing to Mini anymore, got directed to a guy sounding as sleepy as Snake(when I call him at 2 every afternoon) and found out that Mini service does not provide changing of tires since they do not carry any spares. WTF.

13. Cabbed for the 3rd time today since I have to leave the car in school to wait for the tow truck to come in the next day.

14. Came back home and realised that I have neither the mood nor the energy to finish up my essay.

Sigh................

Although there were some good things that came out of today, like how I managed to sort out the important stuff from the books that were borrowed, meeting up with the missus, hanging out with the guys at Loof, arranging for ball the next day, and realised that the veggie-ed in house journalist may look like an Ah Beng but he's a true bruder indeed.

Well, there's always some silver linings in the cloud......

Sigh...

Sigh...

Most things that can go wrong today went wrong.

1. Woke up at 730 by a wake up call from the missus. Fell back to sleep only to wake 3 1/2 hours later.

2. Because of 1. I wasn't able to start on my essay earlier.

3. Started to hear weird sounds coming from the left side of my car halfway to school when it was too late to turn back thus leading to 8.

4. Went to print Snake's essay in the library only to find that the lone available computer was not able to read thumb drive.

5. Borrowed Guanjie's cashcard only to find that I needed $0.04 more to print the damn thing thus leading to me having to top up the cashcard and wasting precious time.

6. Got whacked into submission in KOL by the Bat King. Or King Bat. Whatever.

7. Misplaced wallet therefore had to look for it.

8. Weird sound in the car getting SUPER LOUD after picking up the missus and realising that the motorcyclist that was gesturing frantically(he kept pointing to the left side of my car, I thought he had a problem, she thinks that he's trying to ask me to keep to the left lane cos I was driving around in the expressway at quite a, erm, not too fast speed?) to my deflated tyre.

9. Because of 8. I had to leave the car in school and hailed a cab to Suntec instead.

9. Went to the Loof, wanted to pee, and realised that the guys need to queue for the toilet too.

10. On the way back realised that XW didn't drive therefore had to cab again.

11. After sending the ladies back went back to the car and realised(to our horror and amusement) that my car DOES NOT HAVE a spare tyre.

12. Called the BMW Emergency Service line only to find out that they do not provide servicing to Mini anymore, got directed to a guy sounding as sleepy as Snake(when I call him at 2 every afternoon) and found out that Mini service does not provide changing of tires since they do not carry any spares. WTF.

13. Cabbed for the 3rd time today since I have to leave the car in school to wait for the tow truck to come in the next day.

I should be doing...

I should be doing...

My essay instead of blogging.

But then again, I'm having a break(one of the many I have taken in the course of finishing this damn essay).

Writing a damn travelogue at the beginning sounded like a good deal.
Too good to be true indeed.
But now, only now then I realised the agony of trying to write something which I should've blogged months ago(thus saving myself the agony) and having no particular structure at all.
Maybe there is a structure to writing the damn shit, but as of now, I can't really figure that out and I don't really give a flyin f**k as usual.

Oh the bright side, at least there's soccer to keep me company...

I need my roccos and my bulls to keep me awake... :(

Was it something I didn't say...

Was it something I didn't say...

Once again I was rendered speechless.
Was it something I didn't say?
Or was it something that I didn't do....

1 down, but oh yah, 3 more to go...

1 down, but oh yah, 3 more to go...

Finally handed in my Sports and History essay today.
Wait. Yesterday. Afternoon. After I woke up at the insanely late 2-something in the afternoon(and only because my bro was about to break the door down from his incessant pounding) and ran a final spell check on it.
But its in.
So its 1 down.

With 3 more essays to do.
Wait. 2.
Cos 1 of them is a travelogue. Song Bo???

Some notable stuff that happened these few days:

-- Attending the forum that was organised by our 'dear' PS department regarding issues like the General Elections, PAP, the Opposition, so on and so forth. Can't be bothered to type them all out. But I do learn some stuff from attending the damn forum. Which are...

1. If your tutor tells you that you can get a 1% grade for attending any thing. He/She is lying. Unless you can set up a booth with a flashing, neon lighted signboard proclaiming loudly that students from this module PS**** please report here to sign and verify your existence. Best if can fingerprint so that there is a confirmation that you are physically there. If not, don't bother.

2. We all love to make complaints about the gahment, but seriously, what is the alternative? I for one have no idea...

3. For Q&A session, state at the beginning that question means 1. Anything more than 1 = QUESTIONS. And yesh, there will be cockanathans who try to test water and say, my QUESTION has 4 parts..... Lan Par!!! If your questions have 4 parts it is not A QUESTION liao. It is 4 QUESTIONS.

4. If you are not from a faculty that is renowed for good english, save yourself, the faculty, the university, your family and the gahment from embarassment. Sit down and shut the f**k up. Cos no one will understand what you say and you will take a f**king long time to say it. By then you not only malu-ed(ie: make a fool) yourself, but also proved that your faculty is not renowed for good english, disgraced the university in front of 'esteemed' guests, made your family want to disown you and is a slap in the gahment's face for spending so much money on Speak Good Enga-lish Campaign and still have failures like you.

5. If your question is irrelevant. Save us the time and shut the f**k up. We don't need to know.

6. By speaking in accent-ed Enga-lish will not endear you to the voters. I do not need to know where the f**k you went to 'acquire' that accent and I'm sure there'll be people who think likewise. Please remember, you're trying to contest for a seat in the SINGAPORE gahment. Not some ANG MOH gahment.

Ok, too much about this damn forum liao, moving on...

-- Stoning at the Suntec fountain, going down to the insanely huge fountain to 'make a wish', touring Marina Square. Oh, and taking pictures.

-- Spending the night over at the Snake's lair only to get chased out of his room, suan-ed by his youngest sis, attempt to do the essay only to find that my partner-in-crime fell asleep and best of all, opening up a mail at 9am to find that the tutor extended the deadline. KNNBCCB!!! But at least I got a sleeping princess to accompany me. :)

-- Meeting the guys(some of them) for soccer watching session at the Snake's lair. Never fail to bring a smile to my face. Nuff' said.

-- Manchester United 2 - Bolton 1. Lead cut to 7 points with a visit to Stamford Bridge. Shiok...

-- Soccer session tomorrow, later I mean.