时光机

"Love is a choice you make from moment to moment."
-- Barbara De Angelis

And at that moment, in the past, it was a different person.
From the moment you came into my life, I chose to love you.
Every single moment.

I must confess, at times, I do wish for a 时光机.
Just to change what I've said at times.
Yet, to do so would to be denying myself of the chance.
The chance to pen down what I felt at that precise moment in time.
I'll pen down the feelings and emotions at that moment,
that moment when it is the true me,
the me that is feeling, thinking, happy, sad, angry...
These are the components of me, that made me the me then.
Those are not what I feel now.
The past are events that are rendered obsolete by the passing of time.
The present and the future are the components that matter.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yet, these pages of history ruffled some feathers.
And I can understand why.
Tormented I was, by the pages of your history.
Upset by the possibilities and the implications of the questions you posted a long time ago about the individual whom I'm not dispensed to like anytime in the future.
Jealous of the ones (yes I'm rather cranky regarding this train of thought I must confess) who had the good fortunate to have you in their lives, but never giving you what you deserve.
Regret that I didn't get to know you earlier.
So please don't pin the blame on yourself.

If a confession is to be made, let it be made here and now.
I confess.
I didn't bother explaining not only because I had faith in the love I had, the love we had.
I didn't not do so because I didn't care.
It was the from the sharp pangs of disappoinment.
From the disappointment I felt when you made it sound that my love was so unreliable, so flimsy,
so fake.
Your response had a hint of disbelief in it.
Your messages carried a subtle tinge of rejection in them.
Shocked.
Devastated.
Hurt.
I was momentarily lost.
Rendered speechless.

"If I know what love is, it is because of you."
-- Herman Hesse

I love you BBBB.
I really do.
I really know what love is with you.
And I want you to know that I know.
I want you to know that there's only you.
That although I missed out on you in the past.
I want you in the present.
And the future.
I want you to know that everytime you question my feelings,
I feel hurt, indignant, demoralised, dispirited.
And most of all, untrustworthy.
I really do.

I hope that you still belief me when I say this:
"There is no remedy for love but to love more."
-- Henry David Thoreau

I can't find the right words to say, except what I've said.
There's really no cure to loving you.
Except to love you more.

I've taken up the courage to lay bare my soul,
to say that yes, there was somebody.
But now there's nobody except you.
You.
You who is not a substitute, nor a rebound.
Or anything you might term it as.

There's only one person whom I love now.
It's you.
Miss Veronica Chau Jinqi.
My BBBB.
Now.
Forever.
For the next lifetime.
And the lifetimes after the next.

If these are not enough, I'm sorry.
Because these are really all I have.

Road...

"Still round the corner there may wait. A new road or a secret gate."

-- J.R.R. Tolkien

I'm sorry BB, around the corner there won't be a new road or a secret gate.
Just me.
To bring a smile to your face when you turn the corner and leave your troubles behind.

Operation MHK Day 1: Here, there, everywhere...

Its kind of funny how I never managed to find the time to post the 2nd edition of the long-ago Hong Kong trip but well, I guess this short reservist stint has some advantages afterall (not to mention the overdose of sleep I've been given....)

So we left the cast at the Budget terminal, all geared up and ready to go.
What next?
The plane ride of cos...

While some of us were busy cam-whoring, notice the guy in stripes.
Doing his best to conserve energy. For what purpose, let me keep it a secret for now.
The trip didn't start off too brightly, with the plane being delayed due to the computer screwing up or something along that line.
Not a good start......
Yet despite all the misgivings about the lack of reliability on the plane system, we managed to touch down at the Macau airport, wandered around looking for the elusive free bus that supposedly could get us to the hotel(my bad guys!!!) etc etc.

So what happened to the cast once everything was settled in the hotel?

They went searching for food.
It may not taste the best, but it sure looked good.
Plus we were hungry....

With no time to waste, Operation MHK reached another phase:
Reconnaissance on The Venetian!!!!

After hearing me wax lyrical about the grandeur of this uber huge casino hotel shopping centre or whatever you wanna call it, the rest of them decided that a recon misson to this fabulous place was in order.

Plus there was a Man U megastore there.

We could only stay as long as our jet-lagged bodies could take it, and it wasn't before long the decision beat a hasty retreat back to HQ ala Hotel Sintra was made unanimously.

Shower.
Rest.
Food.
That was the program for the night.
Oops, my bad....
That was the program for the evening...

We(sans Da Sao) eventually found our way to the casino of Grand Lisboa, where cold hard cash were exchanged for chips, where the universal currency is luck, where we camped for several hours.

Operation Huat Ah! wasn't successful for some of us who bled, ie: Me and Jamesy boi.

Mr Horny was able to acquire more ammunition for the rest of the trip though....

Day 2 started off with us trying to drag our arse-s from a long night executing Operation: Huat Ah!

But somehow, we managed to find time for lunch, short shopping trip, smoke session and still ended up on the ferry to Hong Kong.

Which.... will be a tale for another day.....

Goodnight, goodnight....

Some nights seems to pass longer than the rest. 

But tonight, I hope it'll last forever.... 

Piss-entation...

I've learnt some lessons this morning.
Talking well DOES NOT mean that you can present well.
Neither do KNOWING the subject matter at the back of your mind.

Used to think that giving presentation was nothing to worry about.
But recently, I was proven wrong. Not once.
Maybe things ain't just as simple as I had thought it would be....

All the things I've said....

To say that I have a knack for saying the wrong things at the wrong time will be an understatement.

I have a feeling that I possess the inherent talent to say the WRONG THINGS EVERYTIME...

Sigh.

I'm so sorry................

Falling....

I'm falling.
Deeper and faster than I've imagined.
But I'm not scared this time.
Because it's you.