On the Xth day of Xmas.....

My world seemed to stop snowing.
& it started to rain.

The storm seems to be over.
But the aftermath remains.

My heart broke a little,
when you told me about the imperfect 5.
It shattered when it seems like you wanted to search for your own happiness.

My birthday with you, having fish porridge and noodles, watching LOTR on tv, was my sweetest.
Because it was with you.
I'm sorry that yours with me wasn't as memorable or sweet.
But I did enjoy driving around parts of Singapore talking about everything and nothing at all.
Because it was with you.

I laugh and smile,
only to hide the stabs of pain when you say that you're looking for smiles in yourself.
I'm sorry I can't bring you the smiles.
I'm still trying to.
I thought I had.
I thought I could.
When I said I hope to bring happy-ness to you,
your silence cuts like a razor.

You laugh and smile.
But I see that faraway look, and I wonder if the cracks in your heart have mended.

If I sounded hostile, I apologise again.
I wasn't aware.
Thinking that I was calm and collected didn't mean that I was.
Now, it just sounded like a case of too little too late...

On the Xth day of Xmas, things aren't what they used to be.

And your blanket is still full of dust.
I'm finding it hard to sleep recently...