Ode to an Ogre......

Once in a while, we come across individuals that baffles our imagination.
Sometimes these individuals are so awe-inspiring they spur us to become better persons. Like Superman, or Batman or Eric Cantona.
Sometimes the individuals are so shitty you feel better being normal as compared to their inadequacies.

The Office Ogre belongs to the latter.

Primary reason for being able to baffle my imagination: The ability to piss many people off at the same time!
I mean, it sounds easy, but can you imagine the sheer negativity this entity possess?
Sure I can piss people off, but not a lot of them at the same time?!?!?!
The most I can do is probably pissing some people off sometimes.
RESPECT.
Never since Barney the purple shit of a character have I seen another being that invokes the same amount of piss-ness.

Although people say that God (or whoever is up there) is fair.
But I guess he/she/it likes to play jokes on us mortals sometimes.
In my mind, the creation of the Ogre goes something like this:

There's a congregation of gods from various religions one day, and they decided to partake in the creation of foul creatures to be unleashed on Earth. Just for fun.
When it comes to the Ogre, things were pretty heated up, comments and suggestions were flying everywhere.......

G(God)1: Let's start with the body shape. It should be ridiculously large to invoke fear amongst the mortals

G2: Let's give it a face so ugly, the image will burn the retinas of those who cast eyes on its butt ugly mug!

G3: GIVE IT A VOICE SO HORRIBLE, A BANSHEE SCREECHING COULD WIN THE SINGAPORE IDOL. TWICE

G4: i'm trying to see how much i can blow his ego to......

G5: Let Me Reduce The EQ For This Abomination To See How It Can Survive...

And so, the Ogre was born.
A abhorrence so vile that to utter its full name will bring blisters to thy lips.
A being so pompous its speeches could power a wind-generator for 2 years
A cantankerous creature so disagreeable that if you put it in a room with a chair, the chair will move.
A detestation so stupid it is a crime not to arrest it.

And unfortunately, an office co-worker.
The only thing I'm thankful for is the chance to not work with it.
To me, the mere presence of it constitute a crime waiting to happen, although manslaughter won't stick on me since it's technically not human.....

Only saving grace of the Ogre: I have heard reports that he's intillige.....
Not when I hear shit like these:

Ogre: "The Bak Kwa here not nice one leh, doesn't taste like original..."
-Uttered while in Indonesia. No shit Sherlock. It's a friggin' Muslim country. End of story.

Ogre: : "My wife quite famous in M'sia one, she was the....."
- Guess what dipshit? She's famous already. For marrying the Ogre!

Ogre: "Those who become teachers now are those who cannot make it, pass without anything. Not like me, got honours then have this good job..."
- The last time I checked, I got the exact same job with a pass without merit! Good going you walking blowj*b! You just thrown away a year of your life to end up the same as me! Damn! I forgot you do not have a LIFE.

Ogre: "My parents speak English and dialect at home, and my mum speaks Malay with a tinge of accent..."
- Identity crisis. The poor souls are already unfortunate enough to have you as an offspring, now you're trying to say they have cannot speak Chinese or they cannot speak CHINESE. Oh wait, are they Chinese?

Loads more I can blog about but it would take me around 3 months to compile such wise gems of idiocy.
There's a lot more other things I can do with this amount of time... So I think I'll stop for now.