Cheers!

Cheers.
That must be the word I heard the most last night.
Head is spinning. And throbbing.
My body is protesting, against the idiocy of going clubbing after a gruelling soccer session.
Not to mention the lack of moderation in pumping alcohol into the body, one shot after another.

And I woke up to discover, there's a different tune playing in my life now.

I think I might need another shot...

Hindsight

Hindsight is always 20/20.
True, true.

A little bit of...

Change.
In me.
Some of you might have known.
The rest, not yet I would say.
So let's wait and see eh?

Signal Fire (cont'd...)

A post from my good pal, Jamesy boy. He's the same bugger that introduced me to the video for "Signal Fire"

Watching this for the past few days now, kinda puts not only me, but i guess each one of us at one point, into perspective, depicting volumes of our own faculties.
it was quite beautiful and surreal what kids can teach us with their innocence and purity of their hearts. i watched delicately, as if each scene bit off a chunk of me.

the opening scene brings us where we meet a girl. you know what you have to do. you like her, but things, for some reason or another, dont smoothen out.
"the perfect words never crossed my mind"

sometimes u played the bad part, the part that nobody wishes to, like a big black ugly spider(beautiful, to me actually) that just about scares the girl of your dreams. ironic that when it mattered, it always seem like this.
you get pushed around, kicked about and have your harness snatched. someone else swoops in and takes the part of the hero and all you could do, is helplessly remain backstage and let the envy engulf.
someone else could already have taken the brave stand, or, we could say by sheer allocated part, saved your girl in distress, leaving you feeling like the last person on earth.
before you know it, you will be part of the audience, just looking on and having no more part in the whole play.
"All I wanted, just sped right past me"

what do you do then?
step up and go grab your chance. crap, an 8 year-old bespectacled nerd has to teach us this.
kiss her before that it could all end for you, before the very part you fear, and make it your own, so she gives the most important portion to you.
consequences? nevermind actually, as hindsight should have let you witnessed clearly the previous encounters. they may seem daunting and uncertain, but they cant beat the feeling you will have if you did not.

you can change the script. or at the very least, the ending.
for the hope of living happily ever after of course.
"There you are, standing right in front of me"
"No, I don't wanna wait forever"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me?
Mine's slightly different.
I would think that once, very very long time ago.
I could play the hero, the guy who will sweep the gal off her feet, and carry her off to her dreams.
Guess what?
To her, I was the 'black spider', I was playing the bad part, the ugly part, the part of the script that scares her off.
So disillusioned I was, for so very long...

Contented with the role that I was playing,
I stood in the shadows, just behind the curtains, eyes drinking in every detail of you, ear attuned to all the things you said, mind occupied by nothing but you.
I just stood and watch, watching other characters come and go.
Watching, Just watching.
I tried to seize the chance, any chance, I tried to change the script.
Did it matter?
Either I hesitated and another character stepped up to play the part,
or I rushed into in while you weren't on stage.

Even the kid in the video has more balls than me.
I didn't even DARE to do anything. Living an existence on stage ala the Phantom of the Opera, living in shadows, singing melancholy tunes that no one can hear, yet hoping that you might hear them.
You did hear some of the tunes.
Just a case of too little, too late.

Now, I just ease into the faceless crowd, watching the show, your show, go on.

"No, I don't wanna wait forever."

My show with you was over.
Over, when I realised that I'll always be the supporting, not the lead.

I kicked the bucket full of regrets under the seat, sat back and began to watch the show...

Signal Fire

Love this video. (Thanks Jamesy boy for recommending this to me.)
So much I can say, but till next time I suppose....

Finally....

Say hi~~~~~~~~~~
The long awaited post is finally up!!!

What a Wednesday....

Days are supposed to be spent something like this:

Played game till 6 in the morning.
Sleep till 11 in the late morning.
Crawl out of the house around 2 in the afternoon.
Smoke and drink Green Shit in a playground at 3 in the afternoon.
Attempt to shove pasta in mouth around 4 in the afternoon.
Stroll to a quiet place for Earl Grey around 5 in the afternoon.
Throw wet toilet paper at friend who's sh*tting around 8 in the evening.
Played a game of soccer till 10 in the night.
Forced fish and chips into stomach around 11 in the night.
Have a good relaxing sing-along session while driving back around midnight.
Start blogging at 1 in the morning.

But then again.
I need to wake up to reality and realise that such days are getting far.
And few.
How many days can I afford to spend like this?
I dread to think.

Carpe Diem then.

Switch...

Somehow there's a greyish hue in my life now.
Did someone switch something on or off?

Checkmate-d....

I really HATE losing.
Especially at times when I do stupid things that lead to stupid mistakes that lead to a stupid loss.
F**k.

Days after Dragon...

Met up with this bunch of people last night.
Not everyone, but most of them.

9 months.
That was how long we last met, although there're some whom I see sometimes.

Some things never change.
Like how we'll all blabber at the same time without caring if anyone is actually listening,
like how the "old folk" Alan would force us to go where he wants to, and refusing to let us leave early,
like how we all talk about the shit that happens this job, last job, every job.

Some things have changed though.
Like how some of us have changed our positions in the industry,
like how some of us are thinking of getting out of the industry,
like how some of us are already out of the industry.

But it was a good meet up nevertheless.
Let's hope we won't have to wait 9 months for the next one...

And the boats float along....

Sorching sun this afternoon.
Just met up with Snake and Kev for lunch a few hours ago.
No matter how many times I see Kev in his office wear, I have to chuckle.
Snake in office wear?
I burst out laughing.

The thought did cross my mind.
What if I joined them?
Wouldn't it be like the uni days, the terrible trio meeting up for lunch, the dreadful duo sneaking out every once in a while to savour a smoke or two....
Thinking of places to go after work, taking the public transport with Mr Snake, just like we did in JC days.
The things that we can do.
The possibilities...

But what then, of the dream?
The passion?

If I ever join them,
I'll be there for the money.
Full stop.

Took a short break on the way back to the van.
Sat down, smoking, sipping coffee, and staring at the Singapore river.
I think I still very much to be free.
Free from these red tapes, from these regimental hours, from a desk, a PC and tons of paperwork.
Free to do silly things like sitting in the middle of nowhere watching the world goes by.

The coffee tasted good(free coffee is the best coffee yah? Thanks Kev)
The cigarette burnt, dying, dead.
My time was up,
I got up to leave.

And the boats float along...

Ring..... And you have an extension...

My so called contract is over.
Finished.
But guess what?
There was a call this afternoon that told me I'm still working for them, albeit a free-lancer, and that I'll be paid a daily rate.
Sounds good?
Not too bad.
But the rate is kinda less than expected.

We'll see how all these work out in the end eh?

Hm...

Seems like I have a growing penchant to skip my meals now.
Current intake for 2 days?

4x half boiled eggs
1x Nissin Seafood Curry cup noodles
1x Cold Storage Black Pepper chicken steak

What is happening?

Kissing a Fool...

It's evening.

"You are far
When I could have been your star"

Still in the office,
swivelling on the chair.

"People
Will always make a lover feel a fool"

It's dark outside,
seems like I was here just a moment ago.
It's dark already.

"Fooled me with the tears in your eyes
Covered me with kisses and lies
So far
But please don't take my heart"

There're places to go, things to do.
But I can't help thinking.
Thinking about work, about the lack of work.
Love, and the lack of love.

"Strange that I was wrong enough
To think you'd love me too"

Strange that I'm willing to stay here even though there's no more reason to.
Maybe this is my sanctuary.
When it's quiet.
When there's only me, the aircon, the iPod, the Powerbook, the speakers and the table.
Oh, and the balcony with the cigarettes.

"You must have been kissing a fool"

And the song plays on, and on...

New look. New beginning.

Finally got down to changing the look of the blog.
Been too busy and whiny recently, but fear not.
This is all about to end.

One more day!

Realised I never did had time recently to sit back and appreicate the finer things in life.
Until this morning.
Took a glass of coffee, draw out a stick of ciggy, and proceeded to balance my butt on the railing outside Maxwell Food Centre.
Just smoking, drinking coffee, and watching the world goes by.
No phone calls, no rush to get back to the office,
nothing.
If only such times would last....

After the dust, the shit, now comes the rain...

Big rain today.
Funny how after the dust has settled,
and the shit has been cleared,
the rain comes to clean up the mess.

Maybe if I look at it from another perspective, it signifies the end of this li'l chapter in my life,
and everything that's been said and done,
just washed away.

But if I look at it the way that I like to,
it just means that I shoud be curling up in my bed waiting for the raindrops to lull me into sleep.
Damn...

Phew....

Its finally over.
Well, not exactly, since I've got some accounting to do, but at least the shoot' over.
Everything was pretty decent, no major cock ups, earlier than expected wraps, and most importantly, I didn't die of exhaustion/heart attacak/suicide/over smoking etc etc.

Feeling just a tad lost, and a little proud of how all these turned out.
Guess everything will fall into place, sooner or later.

To all those people I have'nt seen in some time, this shit is over, I'm FREE!

So we'll see what we can do eh?

In the meantime, take care now, bye bye then.

- Timmy out

PS: But I'm broke, need to get my pay before me bosses fly abroad...... sigh :(

PPS: I'm in the office right now using my big boss' computer to churn this out. Planning to take a li'l nap before meeting the guys for soccer. I rock.

Thy doom is here....

Sigh......
Shoot starts in about... 12 hours time.
Am I ready?
Nope I don't think so.
There's still so much to do, so much I'm still doing.
But I'm learning.
Learning along the way.

And if I manage to pull this off by some miracle/divine intervention,
I might.
I just might.
Consider staying in this line for a while.

So here's to tomorrow,
and the day after.......

Wish me luck kids!

A note of apology...

Been too busy to blog recently.
There is just not enough time.
Having sleepless night. Everynight.
Now for those who know me(especially Kev and Jamesy), you guys should know that I fall asleep faster than I take off my pants.
Not anymore. Not for these 2 weeks at least...

Will attempt to finish all these shit, get my life back into track, and possibly blog about it when I'm done.

PS: On a more positive note, I might be getting higher pay!!!!! So it'll be worth it afterall

Holy crap!

Late night working is nothing new to me.
But late night working in da OFFICE?
Something that I am still trying to get used to.

Anyway I'm still in the office hammering out infos for the production book,
calling up people whom I've never seen before to 'book' them,
sending emails to people whom I've never met and will probably never meet,
drinkg Asahi,
and smoking Marlboro Reds.
My only regret is that I can't get any green shit. (for the uninitiated, its Vitasoy with Melon. Try it. Its good shit...)

I'm beginning to get used to the solitude of the office, the humming of the air con, the warm glow of the lights, and maybe.
Just maybe.
The satisfaction of getting a job well done.

Now back to work...